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RENKU: linked collaborative verses: TRIPARSHVA - AGEKU!

Sabaki (lead poet) - Linda Papanicolaou


TRIPARSHVA RENKU - Post 18 SABAKI: L I N D A P A P A N I C O L A O U



POST: Choice of AGEKU

25th JULY 2022


CHOICE OF VERSE 22—Ageku


Wow! We are at the end! Many thanks to everyone who contributed an offer for our ageku. I enjoyed seeing the poem through your eyes. As a verse, the ageku is of a level of importance with the hokku, wakiku and daisan. In traditional renku it was an honor to be asked to write it—just another thing we do a little differently these days, though the poem still is, as John E. Carley characterized it, ”not just an ending but also the fulfilment of anticipation. . .” (New Zealand Poetry Society, https://poetrysociety.org.nz/affiliates/haiku-nz/haiku-poems-articles/archived-articles/introduction-to-renku/


The offer I would like to place is Kanjini’s “makeshift clothesline,” though not her revised version. The first one, with the clothesline swaying in the wind, has an airy feeling about it that reminds me not just of clothes but also of prayer flags of poem slips.


Credits: A screen printing - Flowering Cherry with Poem Slips by Tosa Mitsuoki, 1617-91, Art Institute of Chicago. There’s also a screen depicting an autumn maple tree with poem slips that is its pair.


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What I think stands out about this verse is that it lets us linger a little longer in that garden, and I see the clothesline strung on the bamboo. And, of course, a clothesline of poem strips can be a signifier of our renku itself.


One thing I should mention about the third line’s “spring wind”: you will have read my warnings throughout the renku that we can name a season only once in the renku. The ageku is released from these strictures, so it is not a problem that she has used it here. Nicely done, Kanjini.


our small garden abuzz

with the day’s anecdotes / Mona Bedi


a bamboo fence

lost

in the magnolia haze / Sanjukta Asopa


the makeshift clothesline

swaying in spring wind / Kanjini Devi




FINAL THINGS:


No, we are not finished just yet. We have to title our renku and do some final adjustments to grammar and other things.


CHOOSING A TITLE:


Unlike many other forms of poetry where we look deep into the body of the poem for a title that sums up what the poem is about, it is traditional in renku to take a title from the hokku. The renku is a journey that we set out on twenty-two verses ago, not knowing where we would end, and we want readers to come upon meaning from the verses themselves, not by our giving them a theme in the title. So here are two possible titles from the hokku. Please post your thoughts or suggestions.


House Warming

The Flavours of Summer



TWEAKS


Kala, Firdaus and I have spotted that we have too many prepositional phrases with “of” in sections of the poem, so I’ll be doing some minor substitutions, and perhaps other grammar tweaking. Some verses may need cleaning up. Please re-read your verses, and others, and ask questions or offer suggestions if you’re not sure about anything.


We’ll give the customary 48 hours for your responses.



INSTRUCTIONS FOR SUBMITTING TITLES OR TWEAKS


The deadline is 48 hours from now. We follow Indian Standard Time (IST). This POST will go up on 25th July at 6 A.M. So on 27th July at 6 A.M, the window closes (IST). All suggestions for TITLES and tweaks must be posted on this thread BEFORE 6 A.M on 00 July.


THE COMPLETED RENKU


1. Jo

house warming …

all the flavours of summer

on a dining table / Firdaus Parvez


a dozen ripened mangoes

from the neighbour next door / Kala Ramesh


the gleeful shouts

of street kids rolling

a bicycle tyre / Priti Aisola


an airplane through the clouds

in an indigo twilight / Margherita Petriccione


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field / Angiola Inglese


crackling silence as we bend

over the chess board / Sushama Kapur


2. Ha


caparisoned elephants

raising their trumpets amid

the village prayer beats / Lakshmi Iyer


a pied crested cuckoo

on a telephone wire / Marcie Wessels


after the downpour

she squeezes our clothes

under the banyan tree / Milan Rajkumar


a backlit craving races

into an embrace / Kavita Ratna


those dreams

of my first love

once again / Arvinder Kaur


the merry go round horse

stopped on a high note / Robert Kingston


a crick

in the neck

after Sistine Chapel / Sanjukta Asopa


shadows lengthen

into this new bite in the air / Sushama Kapur


moonbeams dipping

into a storm drain and a stream

with the same alacrity / Priti Aisola


the whisper of falling leaves

rolls into a pyramid / Amrutha V. Prabhu


3. Kyu


trekking on Himalayas

when layers

of our false selves peel off / Kala Ramesh


the synchronized silhouettes

of planting rice in paradise / Kanjini Dev


sounds of giggles eyed

the ventriloquist voice

on the Panchatantra / Lakshmi Iyer


our small garden abuzz

with the day’s anecdotes / Mona Bedi


a bamboo fence

lost

in the magnolia haze / Sanjukta Asopa


the makeshift clothesline

swaying in spring wind / Kanjini Devi



THE SCHEMA: NOTE ADJUSTMENTS IN VERSES 8-12 OF HA


Side one - Jo

hokku summer

wakiku summer

daisan non season

4 ns

5. winter moon

6 ns


***


Side 2 - Ha

7 ns

8 monsoon

9 monsoon love

10 ns lv

11 ns lv

12. ns

13 ns

14 autumn

15 au moon

16 autumn

***

Side 3 - Kyu


17 ns

18 monsoon

19 ns

20 spring

21 sp blossom

ageku - sp



*** **** ***** LINKS TO RESOURCES:




Kondo and Higginson, “Link and Shift, A Practical Guide to Renku Composition”: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/Link_Shift.html


Ferris Gilli, “English Grammar: Variety in Renku”: https://sites.google.com/site/worldhaikureview2/whr-archives/grammar-in-renku


Richard Gilbert’s “Muki Saijiki”: https://gendaihaiku.com/research/kigo/05-muki-saijiki-TOC.htm

*** *** *** *** Linda, Woohoo!!! The renku is completed and very nicely too. _()_ Lovely verse, Kanjini

165 views28 comments

28 Comments


Thank you all. I was traveling today and was unable to sit down and get corrections made but I will work on it tomorrow and re-post the Renku.

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Congratulations to everyone who helped bring this wonderful job to completion. Thanks above all to Kala and Linda, without whom there would not have been the possibility of meeting and growth. For the title I have no ideas or preferences, I rely on the experience of others.

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Firdaus Parvez
Firdaus Parvez
Jul 25, 2022

Congratulations Kanjini. What a lovely addition. Thanks again Linda for another excellent post. Housewarming does sound good as a title. But when I look at the picture of the cherry blossoms and poem slips, I feel it needs something else. I’ll wait for others to comment. Right now I don’t have anything to offer.

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jul 26, 2022
Replying to

Generally we don't give away too much from the poem in the title. We hold the best images/lines to be read in their slots, when their time comes - for the poem to work as a whole. I don't know Linda's take on this.

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sushamakapur
sushamakapur
Jul 25, 2022

Just an observation.


In the 'Ha' section of the renku, there are four "into"s: Kavita, Sushama, Priti and Amrutha.


I wondered about mine. Would this work? Only my other verse in the "Jo" section also has "over", so I hesitate.


Now:


shadows lengthen

into this new bite in the air

/ Sushama Kapur


Suggested:


shadows lengthen

OVER this new bite in the air

/ Sushama Kapur


Having made this suggestion, I'm still unsure. Would welcome feedback.


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sushamakapur
sushamakapur
Jul 26, 2022
Replying to

Yes, it does! Thank you, Sanjukta. :)

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Kanji Dev
Kanji Dev
Jul 24, 2022

After reading all the comments, I'm swayed (pun intended) to Housewarming as the title and really like the Sanskrit word for it as Lakshmi as suggested. When I proposed 'Flavours of Summer' I did wonder about all the other seasons in the Renku.


Also wondering Linda, since there's already a lot of 'the', perhaps 'this' might work?


this makeshift clothesline

swaying in spring wind


Kanjini Devi

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Replying to

I like it!

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