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RENKU: linked collaborative verses: TRIPARSHVA 6

Sabaki (lead poet) - Linda Papanicolaou


TRIPARSHVA RENKU - Post 6

SABAKI: L I N D A P A P A N I C O L A O U



POST 6

18th JUNE 2022


CHOICE OF VERSE 5 (WINTER MOON)


I must say, I am impressed with the brainstorming everyone brought to the task of re-seasoning “moon” to our three-line, un-cut winter moon verse. I wish I could keep all of them! Alas, we can only take one, but everyone now has pockets full of poems that may yet be posted on one of the other Triveni boards.


The verse we are going to place is one of Angiola’s. Here it is in sequence:


the gleeful shouts

of street kids rolling

a bicycle tyre / Priti Aisola


an airplane through the clouds

in an indigo twilight / Margherita Petriccione


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field / Angiola Inglese



Despite needing to alter an autumn kigo by modifying it with a winter kigo, Angiola has kept the image simple and clear: the moon above a field, the reseasoning accomplished by a single word: snow.


The link to the previous verse is is both continuity and contrast. The continuity is that twilight has yielded to night and a moon has risen high enough that its luminosity envelopes the field. The contrast is that although we know in fact that the moon is farther away than the airplane had been, it seems now much closer.


You may be thinking: What? It’s such a short verse—8 words, 10 syllables! Yes, I had been urging everyone to longer lengths in the early verses, to establish a regular rhythm and pattern. This was so that later verses would have this to play off against.


As it happens, that time is now. The pattern is strong enough that it remains, making Angiola’s minimalist moon verse stand out as a break in the pattern, particularly following Margherita’s verse with its figurative language. On the printed page, we perceive those missing expectations as negative space around surrounding the verse. I see even see it as a pictorial landscape space, illuminated by moonlight. If you’re reading the renku aloud, try treating this space as silence. As a music teacher once told me, Yes, we have negative spaces in music. They’re called rests.


Here is the entire renku so far, so you can see what I mean:


house warming …

all the flavours of summer

on a dining table


a dozen ripened mangoes

from the neighbour next door


the gleeful shouts

of street kids rolling

a bicycle tyre


an airplane through the clouds

in an indigo twilight


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field



CALL FOR VERSE 6


This next verse will complete our Jo (first side). Here are the requirements, and a few suggestions, if you feel the need:


Two lines, non-season.

Since verses 4 and 5 were twilight and night, avoid referring to the time of day.

Both 4 and 5 were place (non-person) verses. For variety, please give us a person verse. Since we have third-person singular and plural already, it would pull the Jo together for this verse to have a first-person—singular or plural.

You may return to a longer length similar to Margherita’s (14⨦ syllables), or go a little shorter ( no less than 10 syllables, though).

Here is your link verse, and the leap-over verse:


an airplane through the clouds

in an indigo twilight


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field



INSTRUCTIONS FOR SUBMITTING


Each participant may offer two submissions, posted together in the same comment, with your name as you would like it to appear in the renku. Instructions for submitting remain as last time.


The deadline is 72 hours from 18th June. We follow Indian Standard Time (IST). (You have plenty of time, to absorb, think and share your offers.) This POST will go up on 18 June at 6 A.M. So on 21 June at 6 A.M, the window closes (IST). All 6th verse offers must be posted on this thread BEFORE 6 A.M on 21st June.



LINKS TO RESOURCES:




Kondo and Higginson, “Link and Shift, A Practical Guide to Renku Composition”: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/Link_Shift.html


Ferris Gilli, “English Grammar: Variety in Renku”: https://sites.google.com/site/worldhaikureview2/whr-archives/grammar-in-renku


................................... Join in the fun!! Thanks a lot, Linda for your time, effort and knowledge. I loved reading your reasoning for choosing a short verse as the moon verse.

_()_


315 views70 comments

70 Komentar


Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
20 Jun 2022

hokku summer

wakiku summer

daisan non season

4 ns

5 winter moon

6 ns Posting the schema here ... 6th verse is just a non-season verse and two lines, but with people. We have finished with buildings in the hokku and waki. It's not a love verse. Please remember.

You need to check the schema ... always. Verses 10, 11 & 12 are love verses.


Side 2 - ha 7 ns

8 ns

9 monsoon

10 monsoon love

11 ns lv

12 ns lv

13 ns

14 autumn

15 au moon

16 au Side 3 - kyu 17 ns

18 monsoon

19 ns

20 spring

21 sp blossom

ageku - sp

Suka
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
21 Jun 2022
Membalas kepada

48 hours is enough.

That's what I feel. Thank you.

Suka

Congrats Angiola! Hello Linda!


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field (Angiola)

My offers:

I leave the door a tad open

in anticipation


our chairs drawn closer

on the balcony

Suka
Membalas kepada

Nice verses, Sanjukta. One problem with “balcony”—it’s a part of a building, and we already have a dining room in the hokku.

Suka

Arvinder Kaur
Arvinder Kaur
20 Jun 2022

Greetings everyone ! My offerings


pointing towards you

my winged eyeliner


in the art gallery

the Cupid's aim at me


Arvinder Kaur

Suka
Arvinder Kaur
Arvinder Kaur
21 Jun 2022
Membalas kepada

Thanks Linda sure will do that. This is my first time in renku. Although I am enjoying it and learning so much yet I am finding it hard to negotiate its demands. Maybe one can get better with practice. Thanks for your insightful explanations each time.

Suka

Nani Mariani
Nani Mariani
20 Jun 2022

in the end

all that glitters


leaf music rhythm

our love never ends


Suka
Membalas kepada

Not time for love verses just yet, Nani.

Suka

Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
20 Jun 2022

Just today for the verses to come in. Tomorrow at 6 AM (21st June) this window will close. Would love more of our poets to join in.


The poem so far: house warming …

all the flavours of summer

on a dining table


a dozen ripened mangoes

from the neighbour next door


the gleeful shouts

of street kids rolling

a bicycle tyre


an airplane through the clouds

in an indigo twilight


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field Linda says: Two lines, non-season.


Since verses 4 and 5 were twilight and night, avoid referring to the time of day.


Both 4 and 5 were place (non-person) verses. For variety, please give us a person verse. Since we have third-person singular an…


Suka
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