RENKU: linked collaborative verses: TRIPARSHVA 6
Sabaki (lead poet) - Linda Papanicolaou
TRIPARSHVA RENKU - Post 6
SABAKI: L I N D A P A P A N I C O L A O U
POST 6
18th JUNE 2022
CHOICE OF VERSE 5 (WINTER MOON)
I must say, I am impressed with the brainstorming everyone brought to the task of re-seasoning “moon” to our three-line, un-cut winter moon verse. I wish I could keep all of them! Alas, we can only take one, but everyone now has pockets full of poems that may yet be posted on one of the other Triveni boards.
The verse we are going to place is one of Angiola’s. Here it is in sequence:
the gleeful shouts
of street kids rolling
a bicycle tyre / Priti Aisola
an airplane through the clouds
in an indigo twilight / Margherita Petriccione
so close
the snow moon
envelops the field / Angiola Inglese
Despite needing to alter an autumn kigo by modifying it with a winter kigo, Angiola has kept the image simple and clear: the moon above a field, the reseasoning accomplished by a single word: snow.
The link to the previous verse is is both continuity and contrast. The continuity is that twilight has yielded to night and a moon has risen high enough that its luminosity envelopes the field. The contrast is that although we know in fact that the moon is farther away than the airplane had been, it seems now much closer.
You may be thinking: What? It’s such a short verse—8 words, 10 syllables! Yes, I had been urging everyone to longer lengths in the early verses, to establish a regular rhythm and pattern. This was so that later verses would have this to play off against.
As it happens, that time is now. The pattern is strong enough that it remains, making Angiola’s minimalist moon verse stand out as a break in the pattern, particularly following Margherita’s verse with its figurative language. On the printed page, we perceive those missing expectations as negative space around surrounding the verse. I see even see it as a pictorial landscape space, illuminated by moonlight. If you’re reading the renku aloud, try treating this space as silence. As a music teacher once told me, Yes, we have negative spaces in music. They’re called rests.
Here is the entire renku so far, so you can see what I mean:
house warming …
all the flavours of summer
on a dining table
a dozen ripened mangoes
from the neighbour next door
the gleeful shouts
of street kids rolling
a bicycle tyre
an airplane through the clouds
in an indigo twilight
so close
the snow moon
envelops the field
CALL FOR VERSE 6
This next verse will complete our Jo (first side). Here are the requirements, and a few suggestions, if you feel the need:
Two lines, non-season.
Since verses 4 and 5 were twilight and night, avoid referring to the time of day.
Both 4 and 5 were place (non-person) verses. For variety, please give us a person verse. Since we have third-person singular and plural already, it would pull the Jo together for this verse to have a first-person—singular or plural.
You may return to a longer length similar to Margherita’s (14⨦ syllables), or go a little shorter ( no less than 10 syllables, though).
Here is your link verse, and the leap-over verse:
an airplane through the clouds
in an indigo twilight
so close
the snow moon
envelops the field
INSTRUCTIONS FOR SUBMITTING
Each participant may offer two submissions, posted together in the same comment, with your name as you would like it to appear in the renku. Instructions for submitting remain as last time.
The deadline is 72 hours from 18th June. We follow Indian Standard Time (IST). (You have plenty of time, to absorb, think and share your offers.) This POST will go up on 18 June at 6 A.M. So on 21 June at 6 A.M, the window closes (IST). All 6th verse offers must be posted on this thread BEFORE 6 A.M on 21st June.
LINKS TO RESOURCES:
The schema for our triparshva: https://www.trivenihaikai.in/post/renku-linked-collaborative-verses
URLs for online saijikis: https://www.trivenihaikai.in/post/renku-linked-collaborative-verses-triparshva-4-1
Kondo and Higginson, “Link and Shift, A Practical Guide to Renku Composition”: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/Link_Shift.html
Ferris Gilli, “English Grammar: Variety in Renku”: https://sites.google.com/site/worldhaikureview2/whr-archives/grammar-in-renku
................................... Join in the fun!! Thanks a lot, Linda for your time, effort and knowledge. I loved reading your reasoning for choosing a short verse as the moon verse.
_()_