top of page

RENKU: linked collaborative verses: TRIPARSHVA 12,13 Call for verse 14!!

Sabaki (lead poet) - Linda Papanicolaou


TRIPARSHVA RENKU - Post 12, 13 & 14

SABAKI: L I N D A P A P A N I C O L A O U



POST 12, 13 & 14

4th JULY 2022

I am very pleased with the positive reactions to my last post placing three verses at once in the Renku. I’ve been told that a Japanese sabaki may make very radical changes to your verse, but the rule is that if one verse remains of the original the credit remains yours. I’ve never been that audacious, so many, many thanks to Kavita and Arvinder for your acceptance of the changes I made in your verses.


A more important issue: I’m pleased that everyone likes the explanations I’ve been giving of my decision-making process, As haiku poets, we have often heard it said that haiku is poetry that leaves its meaning open for the reader to bring in their own experience. This comes from its origins in renku linking. What I see in my close reading of a link between verses may not be what you see; In fact, as soon as Kala and Firdaus released my previous post and I read it through the lens of the Triveni portal, I saw a quite different interpretation of the link between verses 10 and 11. This time, I think I won’t go into my reasoning. Instead, I’ll ask you in the comments to do your close reading and tell me what you think.


CHOICE OF VERSES 12 and 13


Again I’m going to place two verses, the first by Robert and the second by Sanjuktas. These two participants have been submitting wonderful verses to every single call since we began, and I am so glad finally to have been able to get them on board in the renku. Robert’s carousel horse was submitted for this verse slot, while Sanjukta’s had been offered for verse 7. I liked it so much that I put it up my sleeve with the hopes that we would have use for it later.


Many thanks to Robert and Sanjuktaa. Here are their verses, with Arvinder’s final love verse leading in. What do you see in the way these verses link and shift? There are no right or wrong answers— let’s see how you would analyze see the linking.


those dreams

of my first love

once again / Arvinder Kaur


the merry go round horse

stopped on a high note / Robert Kingston


a crick

in the neck

after Sistine Chapel / Sanjukta Asopa



CALL FOR VERSE 14


With these last two non-season verses in place, we are now beginning what will be a three-verse run devoted to Autumn. Verse 14 will be 2 lines; verse 15 will be a 3- line verse and our very important autumn moon verse, and verse 16 will be 2- line autumn again. This time I will not be jumping ahead— we will take these three verses one at a time. The requirements for the first 14 are fairly simple:

  • 2-lines, non-person


  • The season will be Autumn. Visit the Subcontinent Saijiki to select your kigo. Please make this verse purely nature.


  • As always, link to the previous verse, and shift away from the leap over the verse. Here they are again:


the merry go round horse

stopped on a high note


a crick

in the neck

after Sistine Chapel

  • Before you post, do a bit of self-critique. Have you checked (as best you can) that your verse follows the required criteria? How does it link to the previous verse? How does it shift away from the leap-over verse? What new topics or things does it introduce to the renku?

INSTRUCTIONS FOR SUBMITTING


Each participant may offer two submissions, posted together in the same comment, with your name as you would like it to appear in the renku. Instructions for submitting remain as last time.


The deadline is 48 hours from 4th July t a6 AM. We follow Indian Standard Time (IST). This POST will go up on 4th July at 6 A.M. So on 6th July at 6 A.M, the window closes (IST). All the 14th verse offers must be posted on this thread BEFORE 6 A.M on 6th July.


THE RENKU SO FAR


1. Jo


house warming …

all the flavours of summer

on a dining table / Firdaus Parvez


a dozen ripened mangoes

from the neighbour next door / Kala Ramesh


the gleeful shouts

of street kids rolling

a bicycle tyre / Priti Aisola


an airplane through the clouds

in an indigo twilight / Margherita Petriccione


so close

the snow moon

envelops the field / Angiola Inglese


crackling silence as we bend

over the chess board / Sushama Kapur


2. Ha


caparisoned elephants

raising their trumpets amid

the village prayer beats / Lakshmi Iyer


a pied crested cuckoo

on a telephone wire / Marcie Wessels


after the downpour

she squeezes our clothes

under the banyan tree / Milan Rajkumar


a backlit craving races

into an embrace / Kavita Ratna


those dreams

of my first love

once again / Arvinder Kaur


the merry go round horse

stopped on a high note / Robert Kingston


a crick

in the neck

after Sistine Chapel / Sanjukta Asopa



THE SCHEMA: NOTE ADJUSTMENTS IN VERSES 8-12 OF HA


Side one - jo

hokku summer

wakiku summer

daisan non season

4 ns

5. winter moon

6 ns


***

Side 2 - ha


7 ns

8 monsoon

9 monsoon love

10 ns lv

11 ns lv

12. ns

13 ns

14 autumn (WE ARE HERE)

15 au moon

16 au


***


Side 3 - kyu

17 ns

18 monsoon

19 ns

20 spring

21 sp blossom

ageku - sp


INSTRUCTIONS FOR SUBMITTING


Each participant may offer two submissions, posted together in the same comment, with your name as you would like it to appear in the renku. Instructions for submitting remain as last time.

We follow Indian Standard Time (IST). This POST will go up on 4th July at 6 A.M. So on 6th July at 6 A.M, the window closes (IST). All 14th verse offers must be posted on this thread BEFORE 6 A.M on 6th July.



LINKS TO RESOURCES:




Kondo and Higginson, “Link and Shift, A Practical Guide to Renku Composition”: http://www.2hweb.net/haikai/renku/Link_Shift.html


Ferris Gilli, “English Grammar: Variety in Renku”: https://sites.google.com/site/worldhaikureview2/whr-archives/grammar-in-renku



Richard Gilbert’s “Muki Saijiki”: https://gendaihaiku.com/research/kigo/05-muki-saijiki-TOC.htm

*** *** *** *** Linda,

Excellent post. Thanks once again for all the links and explanations. Greatly indebted to you. _()_


224 views33 comments

33 תגובות


sushamakapur
sushamakapur
05 ביולי 2022

Congratulations Richard and Sanjukta! Lovely verses. :)


Linda, that was an interesting exercise! And encouraging to note there are no right answers. :) Sorry I'm a bit late with mine. This would be my take on the link and shift in the two verses.

I'm unsure as usual. Verse 11 looks back on an awakening, falling in love for the first time. In the Verse 12 then, the link is between "dreams of her first love" and "stopped on a high note". The feelings for a first love are special and full of excitement, and forever remembered. The shift is from inside a person (in the involuntary deep recesses of the psyche) of Verse 11, to outside in nature, probably a…

לייק

חבר/ה לא ידוע/ה
05 ביולי 2022

Dear Linda, I love the way you have made the water flow. Let it flow :)

Congrats to all the participants and the selected one.


So far:


the merry go round horse

stopped on a high note / Robert Kingston


a crick

in the neck

after Sistine Chapel / Sanjukta Asopa


My offerings:


whispering of autumn leaves

rolls into a pyramid


breathing of silver sea shells

in the waters of autumn


smiles

Amrutha Prabhu

לייק
חבר/ה לא ידוע/ה
06 ביולי 2022
בתשובה לפוסט של

I thought of this while writing ... I wanted to know the Saijiki's thoughts about it. Thank you for catching this. It means a lot when the Saijiki guides through. :)


May be "rumbles" work better ..... not very sure. What's your thought?

לייק

Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
05 ביולי 2022

Buck up! We want more offers!!

לייק

angiola inglese
angiola inglese
05 ביולי 2022

My offers the colors of the forest

in a mushroom basket


from leaf to leaf

a different color of dew

לייק

the merry go round horse

stopped on a high note / Robert Kingston


a crick

in the neck

after Sistine Chapel / Sanjukta Asopa


from the mist another

spin of the God cell


surrounded by mums

in the Medici garden


לייק
bottom of page