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writeAONG! 12 September

A TUESDAY FEATURE

hosts: Muskaan Ahuja, Lakshmi Iyer

guest editor: Vandana Parashar


Please note:


Only the unpublished poems (that are never published on any social media platform/journals/anthologies) posted here for each prompt will be considered for Triveni Haikai India's monthly journal -- haikuKATHA, each month.


Poets are requested to post poems that adhere to the prompts/exercises given.


Only 1 poem to be posted in 24 hours. Total 2 poems per poet are allowed each week (numbered 1,2). So, revise your poems till 'words obey your call'.


If a poet wants feedback, then the poet must mention 'feedback welcome' below each poem that is being posted.


Responses are usually a mixture of grain and chaff. The poet has to be discerning about what to take for the final version of the poem or the unedited version will be picked up for the journal.


The final version should be on top of the original version for selection.


Poetry is a serious business. Give you best attempt to feature in haikuKATHA !!


....................................................................................................................................


I have always been fascinated with the concept of pivot. To make something swivel around you is no mean feat (pun intended ;) )


Many poets have written haiku where they have masterfully used the middle line as a pivot and thus adding layers to the haiku which otherwise wouldn’t have been possible.

Let’s try and write haiku with a strong pivot and marvel at how the readers will interpret the offering.


To give a taste, I would like to quote the following haiku by Daniel Birnbaum.



funeral

forgotten for a while

the rain


--- Daniel Birnbaum


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97 Comments


Keiko Izawa
Keiko Izawa
Sep 20, 2023

#1


climate change

my straw hat hangs

beside the calendar


Keiko Izawa

Japan

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augury of birds

across a cirrus sky

first sunrise

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Priya Narayanan
Priya Narayanan
Sep 16, 2023

#1


primroses

waking up to your smile

eternal spring


feedback appreciated

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lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Sep 14, 2023

#2


shapes of cat

in the pumpkin silhouette

a spooky night


feedback please


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lev hart
lev hart
Sep 15, 2023
Replying to

Re: "shapes of cat." The noun "cat" needs an article or a possessive pronoun. How can the cat have more than one shape?


L3 seems redundant in the context of L1 and L2.

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lev hart
lev hart
Sep 14, 2023

#2


sunflower field

the young man raising

his rocket launcher


[feedback welcome.]

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Eavonka Ettinger
Eavonka Ettinger
Sep 15, 2023
Replying to

I think L1 and L2 must form a phrase and L2 and L3 must form their own phrase which is why your senry-ku isn't fitting this particular brief.


If you look at almost all the other submissions, this seems to be the take away. Vandana hasn't gotten back to me yet, however. I asked her if pivot and hinge were the same thing.

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