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writeALONG! 19 December

A TUESDAY FEATURE

hosts: Muskaan Ahuja, Lakshmi Iyer

guest editor: Billie Dee


Please note: 


Only the unpublished poems (that are never published on any social media platform/journals/anthologies) posted here for each prompt will be considered for Triveni Haikai India's monthly journal -- haikuKATHA, each month.


Poets are requested to post poems that adhere to the prompts/exercises given.


Only 1 poem to be posted in 24 hours. Total 2 poems per poet are allowed each week (numbered 1,2). So, revise your poems till 'words obey your call'.


If a poet wants feedback, then the poet must mention 'feedback welcome' below each poem that is being posted.


Responses are usually a mixture of grain and chaff. The poet has to be discerning about what to take for the final version of the poem or the unedited version will be picked up for the journal.


The final version should be on top of the original version for selection.


Poetry is a serious business. Give you best attempt to feature in haikuKATHA !!

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Celebrating Triveni Haijin


Many of our fellow Trivenians are already karumi masters, whether they consciously employ the principle or not. These two poems, in particular, strike me as solidly informed by Bashō’s revisionist concept.


mosquito whine—

mom’s hand fan

picks up the pace


— Daipayan Nair 



sunflower blooms—

a parrot pops seeds

for breakfast


— Neena Singh 



Prompt: Take a stroll around your neighborhood. Jot down some random juxtapositions you notice along the way, then write several karumi-inspired poems based on your notes. Share two of them here and join our celebration of Triveni Haikai. This exercise is called a ginko walk.



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124 Comments


Adelaide Shaw
Adelaide Shaw
Dec 25, 2023

Post 2


Revision:


bits of bread

moved by the wind—

a swooping sparrow

--------------------------------


a bit of bread

arriving with the wind

a swooping sparrow


Comments welcomed

Adelaide B. Shaw

USA

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Adelaide Shaw
Adelaide Shaw
Dec 25, 2023
Replying to

Hi Billie,


No, it wasn't a gale, just a gust of wind blowing bits of fallen crumbs at an outdoor cafe. But. I'll revise.

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nalini shetty
nalini shetty
Dec 25, 2023

#2. 25/12/23


dhobhi ghat -

flowing with the suds

dhobhi geet


Nalini Shetty

India.


Dhobi Ghat, an outdoor laundry in Mumbai City.The rhythmic chant or song often sung by washermen while washing clothes is commonly known as a "dhobi song" or "dhobi geet."The songs often have a repetitive and melodious quality, helping the washers maintain a steady rhythm and make the task more enjoyable.


Feedback welcome

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nalini shetty
nalini shetty
Dec 25, 2023
Replying to

This is huge for me ...thank you so much Billie

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Alfred Booth
Alfred Booth
Dec 25, 2023

#2

**

winter branches —

the many monuments

green leaves hide

**

[2023.25.12…a]

Alfred Booth

Lyon, France


(feedback welcome)

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Dec 25, 2023

to be featherlight on mother earth

sumaithangi


https://www.speakingtree.in/article/sumaithangi-the-load-bearing-stone


Kala Ramesh India #2 Feedback please

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Billie Dee
Billie Dee
Dec 26, 2023
Replying to

I like your poem, Kala. I don't think it's really an example of karumi since it's rather conceptual and explains what sumaithangi might mean to one who employs such a device. I did enjoy your link and am always eager to learn another layer of Indian experience and culture.


---Billie

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Adelaide Shaw
Adelaide Shaw
Dec 24, 2023

snow melt

bringing in a new season

of mud


Adelaide B. Shaw

USA

comments welcomed

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Billie Dee
Billie Dee
Dec 26, 2023
Replying to

I've enjoyed the wry humor in this one, Adelaide. You might edit L1-2 to have a clear cut:

snow melt---

a new season of mud

Suggestion only.


---Billie

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