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writeALONG! 19 April

A TUESDAY FEATURE

host: Muskaan Ahuja


“The essential, most often, has no weight.”


— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry



Haiku is a very short poem that needs no ostentation but simplicity and lightness to make a home in the heart of readers. Hence, it is always advised to trim this poem in such a way that each word holds significant weight and meaning. This process of editing implies adding new words or replacing the existing ones with words that have richer meaning or even changing the overall structure of the poem. It is also likely that while editing, one may find “double kigo” ( If you have “heat” in your haiku, the mention of “summer” is redundant) that creates trouble in bringing out the essence of the poem. Considering the above-mentioned points, I have found some haiku that needs additional pruning. Take a chance and edit these poems until you are satisfied.




1. As the spring rains fall

soaking in them, on the porch

a child's rag doll




2. autumn wind:

giving my red heels

away




3. my young child's

schoolhouse

toy soldiers

at the doorway




4. A leaf falls off the tree

Sailing to the street

Suddenly they're two




Note:


a) Please mention the number of the poem(s) that you are editing.


b) Do not use adjectives and adverbs.



Before I leave, here's a parting quote from a poet, Jeet Thayil : "Read a poem before you begin to write, everytime."



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39 views7 comments

7 commentaires


Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
23 avr. 2022

Oh! Wow! What a lovely post, Muskaan.

I will attempt this exercise!

J'aime
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
23 avr. 2022
En réponse à

Waiting eagerly.

J'aime

lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
20 avr. 2022

That's indeed a challenge! I'm trying my best. Feedback please.

.

1


spring rain ...

a child's rag doll left

in the puddle

.


2


autumn wind ...

she picks my red heels

from the donation box

.


3


toy soldiers stand

at the schoolhouse's doorway

... post war


.

4


autumn news:

two leaves meet

at the junction

.


Just an attempt!

J'aime
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
22 avr. 2022
En réponse à

Yes, that needs to be worked upon.

.

a leaf falls ...

in the wind she meets

the other

.


J'aime
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