A TUESDAY FEATURE
host: Muskaan Ahuja
“The essential, most often, has no weight.”
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Haiku is a very short poem that needs no ostentation but simplicity and lightness to make a home in the heart of readers. Hence, it is always advised to trim this poem in such a way that each word holds significant weight and meaning. This process of editing implies adding new words or replacing the existing ones with words that have richer meaning or even changing the overall structure of the poem. It is also likely that while editing, one may find “double kigo” ( If you have “heat” in your haiku, the mention of “summer” is redundant) that creates trouble in bringing out the essence of the poem. Considering the above-mentioned points, I have found some haiku that needs additional pruning. Take a chance and edit these poems until you are satisfied.
1. As the spring rains fall
soaking in them, on the porch
a child's rag doll
2. autumn wind:
giving my red heels
away
3. my young child's
schoolhouse
toy soldiers
at the doorway
4. A leaf falls off the tree
Sailing to the street
Suddenly they're two
Note:
a) Please mention the number of the poem(s) that you are editing.
b) Do not use adjectives and adverbs.
Before I leave, here's a parting quote from a poet, Jeet Thayil : "Read a poem before you begin to write, everytime."
Oh! Wow! What a lovely post, Muskaan.
I will attempt this exercise!
That's indeed a challenge! I'm trying my best. Feedback please.
.
1
spring rain ...
a child's rag doll left
in the puddle
.
2
autumn wind ...
she picks my red heels
from the donation box
.
3
toy soldiers stand
at the schoolhouse's doorway
... post war
.
4
autumn news:
two leaves meet
at the junction
.
Just an attempt!