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Writer's pictureMuskaan Ahuja

writeALONG! 13th June

Updated: Jun 14, 2023

A TUESDAY FEATURE

host: Muskaan Ahuja, Lakshmi Iyer

guest editor: Sangita Kalarickal


Ego in Haiku


This week I want to bring up a topic that is close to my heart. How do we make sure that there is the 'ma' or space enough in the haiku to pull the reader in and make sure the reader makes the haiku what they want it to be? One way to NOT do this is by the use of the poet’s explicit presence in the haiku. Using the first person definitely does this. So, this week, how about writing a haiku where the haijin is present in the haiku without being overly so?



homecoming —

the forgotten taste

of Tibetan butter tea


-- Meera Rehm

alone

in the waiting room

a box of tissues


-- Brad Bennet

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141 Komentar


Rupa Anand
Rupa Anand
19 Jun 2023

#2 19/06/23

Self Edit: trying to avoid two ‘ing’ gerund. Feedback?


she opens

the hand fan and sits down sweltering heat


Original

sweltering heat

opening the hand fan

she finds a chair


feedback yes

Suka
Muskaan Ahuja
Muskaan Ahuja
19 Jun 2023
Membalas kepada

Rupa, this poem would do well with some other image. I think kokoro (feeling,spirit) is neglected in this poem.

Suka

Thank you all for writing in. I am beyond thrilled that you have resonated with my thoughts about this topic and for my part, am learning as well. One last day before we go on our next adventure this month!

Suka
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
19 Jun 2023
Membalas kepada

Yes, thanks for all the wonderful poems you took us along.

Suka

lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
17 Jun 2023

#5

.


winter silence

the crackle of firewood

soft and smooth

.

Feedback please

Suka
Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
18 Jun 2023
Membalas kepada

Nice but Lakshmi,


winter silence

the crackle of firewood

soft and smooth


Both your Ls 1 & 2 talk of a season - winter. Wouldn't your haiku be more powerful, if you stuck to one kigo word in a haiku?


silent home

the crackle of firewood

soft and smooth


??

Suka

Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
17 Jun 2023

twilight-stained glass glowing oneness


??

does it work?

Suka
Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
18 Jun 2023
Membalas kepada

Thank you so much, Sangita.

Suka

mona bedi
mona bedi
16 Jun 2023

#3


temple visit —

the scent of a prayer

from each flower


Feedback appreciated:)

Suka
Membalas kepada

Nice! Even though the phrase and fragment are close together.

Suka
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