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writeALONG! 13th June

Updated: Jun 14, 2023

A TUESDAY FEATURE

host: Muskaan Ahuja, Lakshmi Iyer

guest editor: Sangita Kalarickal


Ego in Haiku


This week I want to bring up a topic that is close to my heart. How do we make sure that there is the 'ma' or space enough in the haiku to pull the reader in and make sure the reader makes the haiku what they want it to be? One way to NOT do this is by the use of the poet’s explicit presence in the haiku. Using the first person definitely does this. So, this week, how about writing a haiku where the haijin is present in the haiku without being overly so?



homecoming —

the forgotten taste

of Tibetan butter tea


-- Meera Rehm

alone

in the waiting room

a box of tissues


-- Brad Bennet

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141 Comments


Rupa Anand
Rupa Anand
Jun 19, 2023

#2 19/06/23

Self Edit: trying to avoid two ‘ing’ gerund. Feedback?


she opens

the hand fan and sits down sweltering heat


Original

sweltering heat

opening the hand fan

she finds a chair


feedback yes

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Muskaan Ahuja
Muskaan Ahuja
Jun 19, 2023
Replying to

Rupa, this poem would do well with some other image. I think kokoro (feeling,spirit) is neglected in this poem.

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sangita kalarickal
sangita kalarickal
Jun 18, 2023

Thank you all for writing in. I am beyond thrilled that you have resonated with my thoughts about this topic and for my part, am learning as well. One last day before we go on our next adventure this month!

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lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jun 19, 2023
Replying to

Yes, thanks for all the wonderful poems you took us along.

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lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jun 17, 2023

#5

.


winter silence

the crackle of firewood

soft and smooth

.

Feedback please

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jun 18, 2023
Replying to

Nice but Lakshmi,


winter silence

the crackle of firewood

soft and smooth


Both your Ls 1 & 2 talk of a season - winter. Wouldn't your haiku be more powerful, if you stuck to one kigo word in a haiku?


silent home

the crackle of firewood

soft and smooth


??

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jun 17, 2023

twilight-stained glass glowing oneness


??

does it work?

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jun 18, 2023
Replying to

Thank you so much, Sangita.

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mona bedi
mona bedi
Jun 16, 2023

#3


temple visit —

the scent of a prayer

from each flower


Feedback appreciated:)

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sangita kalarickal
sangita kalarickal
Jun 16, 2023
Replying to

Nice! Even though the phrase and fragment are close together.

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