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triveni spotlight : 09 august

triveni spotlight A FEATURE EVERY ALTERNATE DAY! hosts: Teji Sethi and Kala Ramesh guest editor: Billie Dee

Theme: Close Observation



wood piling

a night heron lifts off

changing the darkness


Patricia J. Machmiller

San Jose, California, USA

(previously unpublished)


I am pleased to submit the following selected poems from my personal "favorite haiku" list, one I've developed over the last 30 years or so. All have been approved by the authors; all include publication credits (except one from Patricia Machmiller which is unpublished); all are from the U.S. Pacific coastal rim (my region). I have chosen "close observation" as my theme, a guiding principle in my own writing, and a core element IMO for developing a Haiku Mind.

Peace,

Billie Dee


p.s. Under-lined book titles have embedded links where a reader can go to purchase the book.


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7 Comments


My one experience with night herons is seeing them on a pond that’s actually not far from where Patricia lives. Amazing birds. This haiku really hits the nail on the head about how we observe with senses other than sight. In the darkness, The bird may not even have been sensed until the sound and disruption of its lifting off, and after that in the emptiness it’s being gone we realize something had been there. Yes, the darkness has been changed.

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Priti Aisola
Priti Aisola
Aug 10, 2022

This lovely tanka will stay with me!

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Aug 09, 2022

This is close observation, indeed ... since I've never seen a night heron, it's even more of an observation that is nothing less than miraculous. Wonder if Patricia was a painter? We hardly use our five senses to their maximum capacity.

The word - lifts off - is the core that holds the poem. Verbs are needed, but here the verb directs us to the marvel that it reveals on L3.

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Billie Dee
Billie Dee
Aug 10, 2022
Replying to

Yes, Kala, Patricia is an accomplished watercolorist and sumi-e painter. There are atmospheric undertones in this poem that remind me of a JMW Turner painting.

And indeed L3 is a marvel---the sense of yugen is strong in her L2-3 turn. More on this later. . .


---Billie

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RS
RS
Aug 09, 2022

Wow! L3 gives a sudden gentle jolt to my mind despite being a change...

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A lovely example of close and keen observation. I can see this and from now on whenever I see a heron taking off, I'd watch for that change in darkness too!

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