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HAIKUsutradhar : 23rd September 2022

HAIKUsutradhar : weekly prompts

A FRIDAY FEATURE

hosts: Akila G. & Shreya Narang

month of September: Shreya Narang



Open Prompt : Open Hall


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haikuKATHA - the monthly journal from Triveni Haikai India!

founder/managing editor: Kala Ramesh

associate editors:

Ashish Narain

Firdaus Parvez

Priti Aisola Shalini Pattabiraman

Suraja Menon Roychowdhury Vandana Parashar


Haiku, senryu and haiga/shahai (photo haiku) posted here on this thread will be picked up for Triveni Haikai India's monthly journal - haikuKATHA. At the moment we are not looking at found poetry. Associate Editors, Madhuri Pillai and Akila G. are stepping down for personal reasons. We wish them the very best. Earlier in the year Associate Editors K. Ramesh and Shobhana Kumar also stepped down for personal reasons. A huge thank you to all four beautiful poets. Associate Editors, Reid Hepworth (from Oct 2022), Sanjuktaa Asopa (from 15 October 2022) and Hemapriya Chellappan (from Dec 2022) will be joining us. A huge welcome to all three lovely poets. _()_


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For some more exciting news! CHECK THESE FORUMS ...Tanka, kyoka and tanka-prose to be posted on TANKA TAKE HOME and Haibun to be posted on THE HAIBUN GALLERY It will help you tremendously if you learn to comment on 'triveni spotlight' 'open sky :: SAMVAAD' and 'thinkALONG.' Such good poems are posted.


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The poems you post will also be considered for the haikuKATHA Monthly Journal each month. Due to a sudden increase in activity, here are some quick guidelines, for HAIKUsutradhar:


1. From September 2022 onwards only 3 haiku (numbered 1, 2 & 3) per week/per prompt are to be posted on HAIKUsutradhar. 2. Please do not post two poems in a day ... just one and in total only 3 poems per week from Friday to Friday.


3. For each poem you share, please comment on ONE other poem which isn't yours!


4. Post only your unpublished, original poems.


5. If poets have NOT ASKED for FEEDBACK, please don't give. _()_



Poems previously published on your webpage or social media will be accepted.

Poems previously published in peer-reviewed or edited journals or anthologies as well as contest winners that were published elsewhere as such, will not be accepted.


4. IMPORTANT: if any member provides feedback on the poem in the comment section, the poet must decide on the final version and post it on top of the original version.


Or else the original unedited version on your thread will be picked up by us.


On your comment thread, you need to post your revised final version (if you have one!)


Edited version: Your final version of the poem goes first, so it will be easy for our team to consider that for the haikuKATHA journal.

Original version: Your first version of the poem remains - under your final version. The way it is shown here.


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The Prompt


He Ho. He Ho.

Yes! here we are with the OPEN HALL (open prompt) of HAIKUsutradhar for the month of September. An opportunity for all to let the wings of their creativity spread wide and fly in the sky of twinkling words. Write whatever comes to your mind, whatever your heart feels, whatever your eyes see, whatever sounds your ears are dancing to, spell your voice, and tell us what reflects your soul the most. We are waiting for your amazing poetry, holding our breath.


Give us your best shot.

1,559 views543 comments

543 Comments


Disha Upadhyay
Disha Upadhyay
Sep 30, 2022

#3 30.09.2022 - Revised version (thank you @Srinivas Sambangi)


shielded flower

that winter eve plucked away

kanyadaan


Kanyadaan is a symbolic marriage ritual where the father of the Bride places his daughters right hand in the Groom's right hand, for the groom to take his daughter as an equal partner. Through this ritual, the father approves of the groom as well. The word kanyadaan means "giving away the bride".


Original version:

that winter eve

plucked away a shielded flower

- kanyadaan


(feedback welcome)

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Disha Upadhyay
Disha Upadhyay
Oct 01, 2022
Replying to

Thank you, Reid! :)

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K. Ramesh
K. Ramesh
Sep 30, 2022

The final version:


the M i l k y W a y

between dormitory

and dining hall



Modified version : Thank Kala and Vandana for your suggestions. I have modified the haiku:


2


between the dormitory

and the dining hall

Milky Way


Post 2


Milky Way...

between the dormitory

and the dining hall


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K. Ramesh
K. Ramesh
Oct 02, 2022
Replying to

Thank you Lev for your suggestion!


Milky Way as the first line is good thing to have because we see it above us, in the sky. I guess this is what your version is. The formatting appears to be different...not sure why...


the M i l k y W a y

between dormitory

and dining hall


am I right?


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Billie Dee
Billie Dee
Sep 29, 2022

ping of hailstones

on the old shed roof . . .

this solitude


Feedback welcome


---Billie


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K. Ramesh
K. Ramesh
Sep 30, 2022
Replying to

I like the mood this haiku offers!

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Disha Upadhyay
Disha Upadhyay
Sep 29, 2022

#2 30.09.2022 - Revised version (thank you @Srinivas Sambangi and @Ron Russell)


deafening thunder...

branches below balcony

drench a romeo


#2 29.09.2022 [Original version]


deafening thunder...

rustling branches below balcony

a drenched romeo


(feedback welcome)

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Disha Upadhyay
Disha Upadhyay
Sep 30, 2022
Replying to

Thank you so much, Srinivas and Ron! Your suggestions and advise are really helpful. I understand your take on adjectives and verbs, it does look better the way you suggested. I especially liked the first haiku suggested by Srinivas as it frames the exact picture I was trying to convey through the haiku. Thank you once again for your valuable feedback :)

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#3. 29/09/2022


pillow fort— she speaks royal gibberish


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Replying to

Hi Srinivas


Just saw your comment. Perhaps could you email me at shankarjayanth@gmail.com :) I'm not good with phone calls, please do not take this the wrong way :D Are you from Hyderabad too? :)


I've saved your number and will message you later sometime, maybe you can remove the number from your comment for privacy:)

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