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HAIKUsutradhar : 19th August 2022

HAIKUsutradhar . weekly prompts

A FRIDAY FEATURE

hosts: Akila G. & Shreya Narang

month of August: Yesha Shah



Picture prompt


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haikuKATHA - the monthly journal from Triveni Haikai India!

founder/managing editor: Kala Ramesh

associate editors:

Akila G. Ashish Narain

Firdaus Parvez

Madhuri Pillai

Priti Aisola

Shalini Pattabiraman

Suraja Menon Roychowdhury Vandana Parashar


Haiku, senryu and haiga/shahai (photo haiku) posted here on this thread will be picked up for Triveni Haikai India's monthly journal - haikuKATHA. At the moment we are not looking at found poetry. ..................................................................................................... For some more exciting news! CHECK THESE FORUMS ... Tanka, kyoka and tanka-prose to be posted on TANKA TAKE HOME and Haibun to be posted on THE HAIBUN GALLERY It will help you tremendously if you learn to comment on 'triveni spotlight' 'open sky :: SAMVAAD' and 'thinkALONG' Such good poems are posted. ........................................................................................................ The poems you post will also be considered for the haikuKATHA Monthly Journal each month. Due to the sudden increase in the activity, here are some quick guidelines, for HAIKUsutradhar:

1. Just ONE poem per day/ in 24 hours.

2. For each poem you share, please comment on ONE other poem which isn't yours!

3. Post only your unpublished, original poems.

4. If poets have NOT ASKED for FEEDBACK, please don't give. _()_

Poems previously published on your webpage or social media will be accepted.

Poems previously published in peer-reviewed or edited journals or anthologies as well as contest winners that were published elsewhere as such, will not be accepted.


4. IMPORTANT: if any member provides feedback on the poem in the comment section, the poet must decide on the final version and post it on top of the original version.


Or else the original unedited version on your thread will be picked up by us.


On your comment thread, you need to post your revised final version (if you have one!)


Edited version: Your final version of the poem goes first, so it will be easy for our team to consider that for the haikuKATHA journal.

Original version: Your first version of the poem remains - under your final version. The way it is shown here.


***

The Prompt


moksha chants

I sidestep

strolling earthworms


Even the lifeless stump of a chopped tree nourishes life. The past is but a part of us…




2,137 views717 comments

717 Comments


Barrie Levine
Barrie Levine
Aug 28, 2022

splitting hosta

the old roots

settle in silence


*feedback welcome

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kashiana.singh
kashiana.singh
Aug 25, 2022

fermented ivy

the aftertaste of

mushrooms


feedback❤️Please

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Barrie Levine
Barrie Levine
Aug 25, 2022

violet shimmer

an earthworm

unearthed


*feedback always appreciated

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.
.
Aug 25, 2022
Replying to

Perhaps:


iridescent

the earthworm

unearthed


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Radhamani Sarma
Radhamani Sarma
Aug 25, 2022

greenery once upon a time now for last rites

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Replying to

Wonderful imagery. I love this.


I do have a suggestion though. How about an L3 - 'last rites'. The passing of time back and forth can be left to the reader to imagine.


greenery once upon a time last rites


?


Doing away with 'now' allows two distinct interpretations of this haiku because L2 can act as a pivot, so readers might club L1&L2 or L2&L3, all preserving your original intention (I hope).


Is the writer talking about what used to be a green patch of land that is now used for last rites of someone who has passed thereby burning that patch of land.


Or is it the other way round. Is the writer talking about a patch of land…


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half-naked at the window

... the sparrows, they've seen

stranger things


~


Okay, some thoughts:


I know the sentence structure is unconventional :) But I've been going over some old haiku translated from Japanese (I quote them a lot to the point of looking like an arrogant idiot but they are the basis for all of what we strive for, so I can't help) and this sort of framing of sentences and images is quite common it looks like, especially for comic and humor scenes. So I'm trying to analyse these haiku to understand when and where it works. For sure, I love reading such haiku and so writing them too even if it likely doesn't go over too well.…


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Martin Duguay
Martin Duguay
Aug 26, 2022
Replying to

Still giggling here! Well done!

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