haikaiTALKS: ONE-LINE TANKA - a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree
host: Kala Ramesh
22nd July 2023
Yeah! Another exciting week ahead!!
I have a new request and a suggestion to make.
Can you share a one-line tanka that you've enjoyed & tell your readers why you liked it and how you understood it?
Examples of 1-line tanka:
For your own poems: Only TWO one-line tanka per week, per prompt, per poet.
First post: You'll search and find a one-line tanka, you like.
You'll give your reason/s why you like it. Second post: This will be your first one-line tanka.
Third post:
This will be your second one-line tanka.
Please give your feedback on others' commentary and poems too. _()_
Have fun! Keep writing and commenting!
#2
Revision after suggestion from Kala. Wonder if it works as I shortened it a little.
dawn dream about loved ones my hands joined in a prayer when I wake up
Original :
dawn dream about loved ones eyes moist,my hands joined in a prayer
when I wake up
Feedback most welcome
#1
silver anklets tinkling by the riverside in broad daylight I dream of my father
whistling his favourite tune
--Lakshami Iyer
Loved this poem by Lakshami for the beautiful image and the flow of the tanka.
#3 25/7
a walled courtyard in the nursing home no way to climb this mountain of insecurity
Feedback welcome
3 24/7/24 feedback welcome
rev. 2 thank you Firdaus!
a skein of geese off the cattail coast unraveling the wild part of me
<<<>>>
rev 1 self-edit ( after Kala's question)
a skein of geese off the cattail coast unravels the wild part of me
<<<<>>>>
a skein of geese off the cattail coast the wild part of me
1st attempt---24July23
twilight teaching the mockingbird a new song iPhone-14Pro ring tone
---Billie
feedback welcome