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haikaiTALKS: a saturday gathering! ONE-LINE haiku

haikaiTALKS: ONE-LINE HAIKU - a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree


host: Kala Ramesh


15th April 2023


I have a new request and a suggestion to make.

From now on - we take a one-line and try to understand it.

Write about them and internalise them. For your own poems: Only two one-line ku per week, per prompt, per poet.

First post: When you post, you'll make your first post as a comment on any one one-line, which is posted as an example.

You'll give your reason/s why you like it or why you don't like it. Whether you understand it or not. Second post: This will be your one-line ku.


Ok? Is it clear?


Sample poems: a horse being whipped semiconscious as one Michael McClintock Roadrunner Journal - 12.3


stepping on something tender like territory Eve Luckring Roadrunner Journal - 12.2



if only you could cry damaged masks Adrian Bouter Roadrunner Journal - 12.2


Have fun!

393 views174 comments

174 תגובות


Suraja Roychowdhury
Suraja Roychowdhury
21 באפר׳ 2023

#1


drying sunflower seeds my yellow lawn chairs

לייק
Suraja Roychowdhury
Suraja Roychowdhury
22 באפר׳ 2023
בתשובה לפוסט של

Ukraine...I forgot to mention that completely as I was mentally outlining my process!

Thanks again, Alan. I cherish your comments 🙏🌻

לייק

lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
21 באפר׳ 2023

#2

.

distortions discolours the war-torn maps

.

feedback please


לייק
Alan Summers
Alan Summers
07 בספט׳ 2023
בתשובה לפוסט של

Dear lakshmi,


re:


distortions discolours the war-torn maps


I wondered about leaving out "distortion" and changing 'discolours' to 'discoloured'?


The syntax is unusual, but we can allow that in 1-line haiku sometimes. 😉


Alan


לייק

Linda Papanicolaou
20 באפר׳ 2023

#2

לייק
Suraja Roychowdhury
Suraja Roychowdhury
21 באפר׳ 2023
בתשובה לפוסט של

This is a beauty! I too read it as attacking.

לייק

Suraja Roychowdhury
Suraja Roychowdhury
20 באפר׳ 2023

if only you could cry damaged masks


I could break it up in these ways. I'm writing it in 2/3 lines because I'm haikinfected:


1.

if...

only YOU could cry

damaged masks


2.

if only...

you could cry,damaged masks


3.

if only you could...

cry damaged masks


4.

if only you could cry damaged

masks


The shifts in reading breaks provide very different interpretations.

Not sure if this is what is being asked for.

לייק
Suraja Roychowdhury
Suraja Roychowdhury
21 באפר׳ 2023
בתשובה לפוסט של

Sorry for the delay in responding, Kala and Alan! What a wealth of feedback to come back to - I'm thrilled :).

Just a comment re: the Japanese one liners- you're absolutely right Alan. But in the reading of them, the kire tells you where to pause, right? But on to my attempt...:). Thank you for the encouragement.

לייק

Suraja Roychowdhury
Suraja Roychowdhury
20 באפר׳ 2023

Me head is awhirl with all this brilliance... Wow!

לייק
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