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haikaiTALKS: a saturday gathering! FOUR-LINE haiku

Updated: Jul 9, 2023

haikaiTALKS: ONE-LINE HAIKU - a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree


host: Kala Ramesh

8th July 2023

Yeah! We continue four-line this week too!


I have a new request and a suggestion to make.

Can you share a four-line ku that you've enjoyed & tell your readers why you liked it and how you understood it. For your own poems: Only TWO four-line ku per week, per prompt, per poet.

First post: You'll search and find a four-line haiku, you like.

You'll give your reason/s why you like it. Second post: This will be your first four-line ku.


Third post: This will be your second 4-line ku.

Please give your feedback on others' commentary and poems too. _()_



Sample poem:


it looks as if

iris flowers had bloomed

on my feet -

sandals laced in blue


Matsuo Basho Tr: Nobuyuki Yuasa The Narrow Road to the Deep North and Other Travel Sketches


More of Basho's four-line ku: https://terebess.hu/english/haiku/basho2.html


a sacrificial goat

bleeds

the Kali temple

at the rivulet

Kala Ramesh

Presence Haiku Journal #39 Autumn 2009

Have fun! Keep writing and commenting!

297 views115 comments

115 Comments


lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 13, 2023

#2, changed L 4 from 'the broken branches ' to 'its broken branches '. Thanks Alan.


scattered rains

the crow's hard caw

split across

its broken branches


Feedback please


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Alan Summers
Alan Summers
Jul 13, 2023
Replying to

It's just my way of thinking, so not every poet here might like that version though it does more neatly allude to the famous Bashō hokku though. 😎


Alan

Like

Jharna Sanyal
Jharna Sanyal
Jul 12, 2023

2/12.7

autumn leaves

two old women

on bicycle path

dancing with the wind


Feedback welcome


Like
Alan Summers
Alan Summers
Jul 13, 2023
Replying to

or re:

autumn leaves

two old women

on bicycle path

dancing with the wind


simply:


autumn leaves

two old women

dancing

with the wind


or as Autumn suggests they are 'old'


autumn leaves

two women

dance

with the wind


or


two women

the autumn leaves

dance

with the wind


or


deepening autumn

two women

dance

with the wind


or


deepening autumn

two women

dance

with the leaves


kind regards,

Alan

Like

Arvinder Kaur
Arvinder Kaur
Jul 11, 2023

Third post ( unpublished)


a week

of torrential rains

in the concrete jungle

no frog croaks


Feedback most welcome

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jul 12, 2023
Replying to

4-line is tricky ...

This is reading like a sentence, Arvinder I feel you need a strong cut.

Not sure:((

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Billie Dee
Billie Dee
Jul 10, 2023

#2---9July23


washing dishes the tink-tink-tink of her bangles a baby's lullaby

---Billie


feedback welcome


[18 syllables--too much?]

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Alan Summers
Alan Summers
Jul 13, 2023
Replying to

Oh no, that's really bad, isn't it?! 🏅⛸️


Alan

Like

#3 my second ku.


a box of greens

from the farmer's market

a snail reaches the top

of the kale


Feedback welcome.

Like
Replying to

There's so much more space to find rhythm.

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