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haikaiTALKS: a saturday gathering! FOUR-LINE haiku

Updated: Jul 2, 2023

haikaiTALKS: ONE-LINE HAIKU - a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree


host: Kala Ramesh

24th June 2023


I have a new request and a suggestion to make.

Can you share a four-line ku that you've enjoyed & tell your readers why you liked it and how you understood it. For your own poems: Only TWO four-line ku per week, per prompt, per poet.

First post: You'll search and find a four-line haiku, you like.

You'll give your reason/s why you like it. Second post: This will be your first four-line ku.


Third post: This will be your second 4-line ku.

Please give your feedback on others' commentary and poems too. _()_



Sample poems:

Matsuo Basho's "Narrow Road to the Deep North" Tr. by Nobuyuki Yuasa

There was a temple called Ryushakuji in the province of Yamagata. Founded by the great priest Jikaku, this temple was known for the absolute tranquility of its holy compound. Since everybody advised me to see it, I changed my course at Obanazawa and went there, though it meant walking an extra seven miles or so. When I reached it, the late afternoon sun was still lingering over the scene. After arranging to stay with the priests at the foot of the mountain, I climbed to the temple situated near the summit. The whole mountain was made of massive rocks thrown together and covered with age-old pines and oaks. The stony ground itself bore the color of eternity, paved with velvety moss. The doors of the shrines built on the rocks were firmly barred and there was no sound to be heard. As I moved on all fours from rock to rock, bowing reverently at each shrine, I felt the purifying power of this holy environment pervading my whole being.


In the utter silence Of a temple, A cicada's voice alone Penetrates the rocks.


Think ... how is a four-line haiku composed. Why are all the translations of the haiku (hokku) that Basho wrote in Narrow Road to the Deep North are in 4 lines?

Will you search the net for these answers and share them here? My own attempts:

I am

what I make of dreams

a dewdrop

holds the moon


A Hundred Gourds 5:3, June 2016



the crisscross

barking

of stray dogs —

the long night loud


Heliosparrow Haiku Journal – January 2021

Have fun! Keep writing and commenting!

269 views119 comments

119 Comments


lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 07, 2023

#3


abandoned house

wildflowers and weeds

creepers and climbers

scroll the roof


feedback please


Like
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 08, 2023
Replying to

ok. There are such houses here and no heir to the house. Just locked and the creepers climbing high.

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Arvinder Kaur
Arvinder Kaur
Jul 05, 2023

#3


cardamom tea

the notes of a prayer

from a school nearby

so faint

( have been wondering if it should be’ faint notes ‘)


Feedback most welcome

Like
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 07, 2023
Replying to

Loved the image and trying to seep in the expert comments.

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lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 04, 2023

#2, revised thanks to Alan, Kala. 7/7


long night

grandma's folklore

in the knitwear

wrapping the wind


original


winter night

grandma's folklore

in the knitted wear

wrap the cold wind

.

Feedback please

Like
lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 07, 2023
Replying to

can it be

.

long night

grandma's folklore

in the knitwear

wrapping the wind

.

This reads well. Thank you

Like

marilyn ashbaugh
marilyn ashbaugh
Jul 03, 2023

#3 3/7/23 feedback welcome

rev. 1 thank you Alan and Arvinder.


a yellow rose

on each empty chair

post-pandemic

family brunch


<<<<>>>>

post-pandemic two

empty chairs

at the table

Like
marilyn ashbaugh
marilyn ashbaugh
Jul 05, 2023
Replying to

Alan,

thank you! glad you like it!

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jul 03, 2023

Thanks a ton, Alan:

Edited:


gym workout the rhythm

of running

bathwater


<>

original


summer's peak

the rhythm of running

bathwater


Does this work? Too minimalistic?

#2

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Arvinder Kaur
Arvinder Kaur
Jul 04, 2023
Replying to

Terrific revision.

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