haikaiTALKS: ONE-LINE HAIKU - a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree
host: Kala Ramesh
24th June 2023
I have a new request and a suggestion to make.
Can you share a four-line ku that you've enjoyed & tell your readers why you liked it and how you understood it. For your own poems: Only TWO four-line ku per week, per prompt, per poet.
First post: You'll search and find a four-line haiku, you like.
You'll give your reason/s why you like it. Second post: This will be your first four-line ku.
Third post:
This will be your second 4-line ku.
Please give your feedback on others' commentary and poems too. _()_
Sample poems:
Matsuo Basho's
"Narrow Road to the Deep North"
Tr. by Nobuyuki Yuasa
There was a temple called Ryushakuji in the province of Yamagata. Founded by the great priest Jikaku, this temple was known for the absolute tranquility of its holy compound. Since everybody advised me to see it, I changed my course at Obanazawa and went there, though it meant walking an extra seven miles or so. When I reached it, the late afternoon sun was still lingering over the scene. After arranging to stay with the priests at the foot of the mountain, I climbed to the temple situated near the summit. The whole mountain was made of massive rocks thrown together and covered with age-old pines and oaks. The stony ground itself bore the color of eternity, paved with velvety moss. The doors of the shrines built on the rocks were firmly barred and there was no sound to be heard. As I moved on all fours from rock to rock, bowing reverently at each shrine, I felt the purifying power of this holy environment pervading my whole being.
In the utter silence Of a temple, A cicada's voice alone Penetrates the rocks.
Think ... how is a four-line haiku composed. Why are all the translations of the haiku (hokku) that Basho wrote in Narrow Road to the Deep North are in 4 lines?
Will you search the net for these answers and share them here? My own attempts:
I am
what I make of dreams
a dewdrop
holds the moon
A Hundred Gourds 5:3, June 2016
the crisscross
barking
of stray dogs —
the long night loud
Heliosparrow Haiku Journal – January 2021
Have fun! Keep writing and commenting!
#3
abandoned house
wildflowers and weeds
creepers and climbers
scroll the roof
feedback please
#3
cardamom tea
the notes of a prayer
from a school nearby
so faint
( have been wondering if it should be’ faint notes ‘)
Feedback most welcome
#2, revised thanks to Alan, Kala. 7/7
long night
grandma's folklore
in the knitwear
wrapping the wind
original
winter night
grandma's folklore
in the knitted wear
wrap the cold wind
.
Feedback please
#3 3/7/23 feedback welcome
rev. 1 thank you Alan and Arvinder.
a yellow rose
on each empty chair
post-pandemic
family brunch
<<<<>>>>
post-pandemic two
empty chairs
at the table
Thanks a ton, Alan:
Edited:
gym workout the rhythm
of running
bathwater
<>
original
summer's peak
the rhythm of running
bathwater
Does this work? Too minimalistic?
#2