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haikaiTALKS: a saturday gathering! One-line haiku!!

haikaiTALKS: haiku and more! a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree


host: Kala Ramesh

6 May, 2023

I have a new request and a suggestion to make.


From now on - you will take a one-line ku and read and internalise it. Then tell your readers how you understood it. For your own poems: Only two one-line ku per week, per prompt, per poet.


First post: When you post, you'll make your first post as a comment on anyone one-line, which is posted as an example.


You'll give your reason/s why you like it or why you don't like it. Whether you understand it or not. Second post: This will be your one-line ku.


Third post: this will be your 2nd poem. Please give your feedback on others' commentary and poems too.

_()_ For better interaction, please stagger your posts. Only one haiku can be posted per day (in 24 hourse) in all our forums.


Sample poems:

deep autumn silence in the landline phone Srini S Bones journal for the short verse no. 24 October 2022

calmer under her sixty new pounds of medicine weight

Laurinda Lind Bones journal for the short verse no. 24 October 2022


night shore how search engines shape our world

Beate Conrad

Bones journal for the short verse no. 25 April 2023

Enjoy!


632 views138 comments

138 Comments


Alan Summers
Alan Summers
May 10, 2023

#3


bright with snow the boy’s room blinks stars


Alan Summers


Anyone who knows my work in some detail, including my piece A Boy Called Snow etc... will guess that the snow aspect of Winter is my favourite season!

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Richa Sharma
Richa Sharma
May 13, 2023
Replying to

Beautiful. I really enjoyed the imagery here that takes one into the author's fairyland and builds up a warm imagination. Thank you for sharing, Alan.

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Rupa Anand
Rupa Anand
May 09, 2023

#3 ~

May 11th

Final Edit: Thanks to Linda & Alan (thanks to everyone for bearing with this inane one-liner)


doom scrolling this lethargy

***

Revised: 11/05/23

too much scrolling=mental dead weight

***

Revised:

doom scrolling this lethargy a dead weight on the mind

***

Original May 9th

scrolling this heavy lethargy dead weight on my mind


feedback ~ yes

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Rupa Anand
Rupa Anand
May 11, 2023
Replying to

You are an institution, Alan. Learning a lot from you & Kala & the others on this forum.

the tanka is WoW.

And the

"from the chimney

news updates"

is awesome.

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Keith Evetts
Keith Evetts
May 09, 2023

ku #2


random access memory always leads to you motherboard


[feedback always welcome]


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Keith Evetts
Keith Evetts
May 16, 2023
Replying to

there is a jux there between 'random' and 'always'

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Keith Evetts
Keith Evetts
May 09, 2023

Comment 2 deep autumn silence in the landline phone


I suspect that this was formulated in accordance with the slip-meaning technique as

deep autumn +

silence in the land +

[trick the reader]

landline phone


And as such, 'landline phone' is rather bathetic* for me, given the portentous (and mellifluous) beginning! So I read it as a humorous meaning in three parts...


deep autumn

silence in the land

— phone!


But that's just me.

* i.e. bathos

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mona bedi
mona bedi
May 08, 2023

Post#1


the stranger I have become faceless dreams


Feedback appreciated:)

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Alan Summers
Alan Summers
May 09, 2023
Replying to

This is about a man then, an imaginary man or someone you know? The unease seems to be in the author rather than the protagonist though?

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