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haikaiTALKS: a saturday gathering! FOUR-LINE haiku

haikaiTALKS: ONE-LINE HAIKU - a saturday gathering_under the banyan tree


host: Kala Ramesh

15th July 2023

Yeah! We continue four-line this week too!


I have a new request and a suggestion to make.

Can you share a four-line ku that you've enjoyed & tell your readers why you liked it and how you understood it. For your own poems: Only TWO four-line ku per week, per prompt, per poet.

First post: You'll search and find a four-line haiku, you like.

You'll give your reason/s why you like it. Second post: This will be your first four-line ku.


Third post: This will be your second 4-line ku.

Please give your feedback on others' commentary and poems too. _()_


Sample poem:

More of Basho's four-line ku: https://terebess.hu/english/haiku/basho2.html


a lotus

out of the muck

the flowering

within


Kala Ramesh

From the author's book: beyond the horizon beyond - 2017

Have fun! Keep writing and commenting!

263 views107 comments

107 Comments


lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 20, 2023

#2, revised, thank you so much Alan.


stretched shadows in short rhythm tugs the caw across a monsoon wind


Original


monsoon winds

the crow's caws

in short rhythm pulls

its stretched shadow


Feedback please


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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jul 21, 2023
Replying to

I like your revision.

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marilyn ashbaugh
marilyn ashbaugh
Jul 18, 2023

#3 feedback welcome

rev. 1 thank you, Alan!


pain

of a galaxy

the heart's

bee hum <<<<>>>>>

growing pains

of a galaxy

the heart

of a bee's hum

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marilyn ashbaugh
marilyn ashbaugh
Jul 19, 2023
Replying to

Alan,

Thank you for this superb analysis! It provides a general useful guide as well as a specific one. I will use your edit; much appreciated!

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lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 18, 2023

#1, Revised, thanks Alan. It reads so good. 20-7-2023


when did I ever thank you mother is there a season


Original


when was

the last time i said

thank you to my mother

spring flower falls


feedback please

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Alan Summers
Alan Summers
Jul 20, 2023
Replying to

Dear lakshmi iyer,


Don't forget to consider the option of italics for :


is there a season


😎

Alan

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lakshmi iyer
lakshmi iyer
Jul 18, 2023

Really loved the lines below, written by Basho's friend Sora as he said goodbye. What to explain about death?


No matter where I fall

On the road

Fall will I to be buried

Among the flowering bush-clovers.

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Alan Summers
Alan Summers
Jul 20, 2023
Replying to

That version was incorrectly placed, which is why we always need to double-check things, as even information in 'print' can be wrong. 😉


Alan

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Kala Ramesh
Kala Ramesh
Jul 18, 2023

A query:

Why are most of the 4-line a senryu?


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marilyn ashbaugh
marilyn ashbaugh
Jul 18, 2023
Replying to

Kala,

I am challenged by 4-line, transferring the haiku "rules" that I follow to quatrain is harder than with 1 line or 2 line. Senryu has more freedom so perhaps makes it easier? Mere speculation on my part.

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